This is for you

If you come home from several weeks away for work where you dined out at decent San Francisco restaurants on a company credit card while I grappled with a refrigerator full of slowly decaying leftovers from a stupid fucking party that was too big and too long (sandwich fixings that I dislike and never eat of my own volition but feel too guilty to throw away), wrangled a feverish kid for two consecutive weekends by myself while you were gone AND did my work AND participated in a wonderful opportunity to further MY career with all the “extra” time I don’t really have and the first thing you do when home is barely suppress sighs of displeasure at how disorderly the house is while you clean it up, neglecting the whole time to recognize or even notice how I cleaned the toilets (which you’ve done maybe twice that I can remember) and the tubs, swept the cat-fur ridden floors, mopped the kitchen floor that was so dirty it had a grey cast, emptied the putrid compost, and otherwise did the best I could…and then you act like a self-
righteous asshole when I say to your sighs, “I said nothing when you decided to take a nap instead of putting the Halloween decorations away the last time you were home. That was a choice *you* made,” BECAUSE OH I FORGOT, YOU ARE NEVER WRONG,


And the leather jacket you had time to buy for yourself in San Francisco, and the horse you rode in on.

Because you know what? As stressed and busy as you are, I AM ALSO STRESSED AND BUSY–too fucking busy and tired to go around passive- fucking-aggressively SIGHING at you.


Excuse the iPhone autofill typos

3 thoughts on “This is for you

  1. I feel your pain. Good Good, it’s hard enough just raising a small child, let alone all the household stuff and the career you’re still trying to nurture in the middle of all this. And is it just me or are we still stuck in pre-feminism days where, really, housecleaning and kidraising are still women’s domains. Men are free to go out and play. And grumble when the housecleaning and kidraising aren’t being done as they’d like. As for your career, as far as they’re concerned, WHATEVER. As long as you’re making some money. Ooops, looks like you got me all fired up.

  2. As pissed as I was/am still a little, I do have to say that objectively speaking, huz will do his half of the housework when he is home.

    The key is “when he is home.”

    When huz is away for work, it’s a different story. And frankly I don’t have time or the desire to do 100% of it while huz is gone, because with the kid, it’s triage. Get dinner into him then bath, bed, story, sleep? Or worry that the Halloween decorations are still up? Make sure kid does his homework, or declutter the dining table? Purchase and assemble items for birthday party goodie bags, or dust the place? Write a piece for MOMocrats on passage of the Stupak-Pitts anti-abortion amendment to the health care bill, or mop the kitchen?

    In my value system, non-critical house work comes last every damn time.

    Something many men just don’t get is how women’s time is burned up with a million tiny things that are necessary and cumulatively important. And, how if I have a few hours to myself, I’ll spend it in ways that are meaningful to me. And I resent being second-guessed about it.

    I mean, what did he think, that he was going to come home to a sparkling clean house?

    Fuck. That. Shit. And the Stepford wife it rode in on. (The one I strangled and buried in the basement.)

    He should’ve come home with the expectation that he was behind on taking down Halloween decorations and would probably have to bust out a mop to get this place ready for our son’s birthday party.

    Sadly, while my rant is completely particular to me, it’s also drearily generic in that I’ll bet a million women could have written the same thing.

  3. OMG Cyn – having the same fights here. Over and over. Friggin’ tearing my hair out.

    And he bitches that I’m not sufficiently appreciative of how much time he spends with our children (much of which is spent tearing the house apart, which, naturally, I am expected to fix at the end).

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