Wasabi is the velour one, with colors like a Sigfried and Roy white tiger.
And man is she oversexed. I think maybe they didn’t quite get everything they were supposed to remove during the spay, because this girl is a freak. And you know what I’m talking about.
I might be bending over playing trains on the floor with the Unreliable Narrator, part of my shirt will ride up, and I’ll feel this suggestive licking on my back. Never fails. I have to shoo her away. It’s not just a sweet, short “Hi mama cat” kind of lick and then wander away to do her cat sitting meditation–no, it’s an “I stalked you on Facebook, deep-Googled you, and have now followed you home” kind of sustained licking until you nudge her head away.
Or, get this. She likes to be spanked. Not hit, mind you–I’d never do that to a fur-child or human child. But she likes a nice solid sexy spanky-spanky patting on her hindquarters in a steady 4/4 rhythm. And she’ll BITE you if you STOP. While you’re, um, spanking her? She meows and croons for more. It’s a sort of high-pitched bleat, like “I’m in heeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaat! If only I knew what that waaaaaaaaaaaas!”
My speculation is that when a tom mounts a she-cat, there’s probably a lot of pounding going on back there on the hindquarters. Not that I’ve ever witnessed any of the causes of the random caterwauling in our neighborhood or care to. But it isn’t too hard to imagine.
And again, that’s not really where I’d like to be–inside the sexual fantasies of my pet cat. I see ur face when ur spankin my butt. Kthanxbai! I mean, ew.
Now, generally I don’t have a problem with people doing what they need to make them happy, and I definitely am pro-pleasure for all creatures everywhere, but all of this slightly inappropriate soliciting of affection is starting to make me feel cheap and sorta used. And worst of all, once you start with the spanky-spanky, it’s like she’s this insatiable Pillow Queen. She’ll nudge your hand or start licking your toes in the hopes you’ll give her endless spanky-spanky, and I don’t know about you but I have other things to do during the day than give my semi-aroused cat some relief. Or getting bitten for not providing aforementioned relief. Better things, like post to this here blog, for example.
Moral of the story?
Can’t your sister lick you or would that be wrong?
If you’re lesbian, you only need to come out to me once. I get it, I support and love you, babe, but one coming out is plenty.
I know you have neeeeeeeeeds, but I have neeeeeeeeeds too, and they don’t involve scratching your itch all day.
Could we just be friends without benefits?
Luv, Ur Human