Hooked on Real Estate Porn

in one breath i can bewail the tanking housing market and its effect on everyday people here, here, and here.

with the next, i can ditzily slobber over celebrity real estate in a snarky, more gossipy version of “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous.” minus the annoying robin leach.

behold: realestalker. i’ve been secretly worshipping at the altar of Your Mama, Dr. Cooter, and their long-bodied bitches Linda and Beverly.

now you’d think staring at crazy-expensive homes that i could never afford even if i had six more lifetimes with which to scratch out a living would fan my deepest class resentments. but no. cognitive dissonance, hello.

what’s fascinating and true is that unbelievably wealthy people are capable of making–news flash!–horrible judgments in decor (for which we secretly like them). also true: i am the nosiest person alive. looking at the house in my general part of town, El Lay, that the tv real estate flipper guy, jeff lewis, had difficulty selling is enormously satisfying. not because he had a hard time selling it, but because i am a sucker for a makeover. (how long will lewis’ flipping ways last in this economy, i wonder?) these mansions are all “staged” or styled to the eyeteeth when photographed for a sale. i get to see what a fab team of interior decorators do with an unlimited budget and then, because i was born without the girly design/fashion gene, it is marvelous and somewhat mystifying to me dissect why those particular colors, fabrics, and styles of furniture go together in a pleasing way.

it’s as if i landed on mars, and got to poke through the extra-terrestrials’ digs while they were out.

plus, it’s so much easier and cheaper than actually having to lift a finger to make any changes to our abode myself. and side benefit: with celeb divorces, marriages, and other changes in fortune, often a little dish is served, if you know what i mean.

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